I’m Back!

I know you've heard it a thousand times before. But it's true - hard work pays off. If you want to be good, you have to practice, practice, practice. If you don't love something, then don't do it. – Ray Bradbury

Do you ever feel like there’s a really cool party going on and you’re not invited?

I do. All the time. I look at FB, Instagram and other social media platforms and I see everyone else having a great time. Writers are talking about their work, filmmakers talking about their films, and so many people are photographing themselves in fabulous locations with huge smiles on their faces. They’re living the good life and look incredibly happy.

And the rest of us?

I hit a burnout moment almost a year ago. That was when I did my last blog post. I had just finished shooting and editing a bunch of short pieces about my books. I hadn’t done anything like this in a while. They were fun to do and editing them together, I got really creative. I had no one telling me what to do. I did what I wanted. And I think they turned out quite well.

I will be honest and say that when I made those short pieces I really thought they would help my book sales. I needed something as my sales have been in the toilet for quite a while.

There were 8 shorts all in the 4-5 minute range. I started posting one each week and you know what I found out? Very few people took the time to watch them. I was shocked.

Sure a few of my friends watched them but very few.

Of course I started doubting my abilities both as a writer and as a filmmaker. What was I doing wrong? How had I fallen out of favor? How come even most of my friends weren’t watching them? Was I a bad filmmaker and a writer?

I got depressed and said “fuck it!” And I stopped blogging and posting for the most part.

So why is it the first thing I do is blame myself? I’m not good enough because I’m not getting clicks, likes, or words of praise. That’s what we’re supposed to expect in social media. We need to build huge followings which will attract sponsors, and we’ll make all sorts of money through social media.

And yet most of us know, that’s all bullshit.

Years ago I had just finished making my film, Stolen Toyota. I was at the film lab and about to screen the first answer print. There was another filmmaker there who I had known for years and I had nothing but respect for him. He asked if he could sit in and watch the film with me. When it was over he proceeded to tell me what a bad film it was. He went in to detail on what didn’t work and told me the changes I HAD to make to save it.

I went home really depressed. I thought I had made the worst movie ever. I spent all night going over all of the things he said and his suggestions. After a sleepless night I came to a conclusion.

He was wrong!

All of his suggestions would have turned my film into one of his. I am not him. Our styles are totally different!

I didn’t make any changes, I released the film the way it was. It became one of the most successful short films I ever made. It screened all over the world and people loved it. Watch Stolen Toyota below…

Over the last year I have had to relearn that lesson. I make films and write stories that mean something to me. And over the years they have found an audience on their own.

There is something in my work that speaks to others. When I was out on the road all those years touring with my films I met a lot of people who loved my films and could identify with them.

I’ve known for a long time that my work is personal and it’s not for everyone. Over the last few years I forgot that. I was listening to people telling me I had to grow my audience through social media and I needed likes and clicks.

All of that noise in my head got in the way of my work. I was having a tough time writing and I was getting down on myself for not getting enough work “out there”. I had to push all that shit out of my head and go back to what I love.

I’m sitting here at my desk writing, working on a bunch of short stories that I’m going to publish this year. And I’m happy. How do you know? You don’t. But I know I’m happy because I’m getting better at what I do.

In fact I’m going to start re-posting those short pieces I loved making and if you watch them, great. But if not, I’m okay with that. Because I like them.

It feels great to write again, for myself.

Please support Independent Artists.

And while you’re here check out my new and improved website. I’m happy with how it turned out. And for the next two weeks I’m having a sale on all of my printed books (not the ebooks they’re already cheap enough). Printed books are $2 off for the next two weeks.