I’ve been brainwashed!

I’m sitting at my desk attempting to get work done. It’s going slow and I’m getting down on myself for not accomplishing enough yesterday, or the day before. Hell, I’m looking at my writing output and I’m pissed that I didn’t bring out a new book in 2022. It’s December of 2023 and I still haven’t gotten the new book out.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Actually, nothing.

I’m 67 years old and have been working for myself since I turned 28, (1984).

I’m a product of the “gig economy”. I’ve always worked project to project. Nothing is permanent and when one job ends I have to find another to pay the bills. I have to work harder and longer than most people because I’m not employed by a big company. I’m only as good as my last job.

Working for myself makes everything harder. The accountants want to make sure I lose money every years to lower my tax rate. But the bank and credit card companies look at my income and won’t give me business loans, credit cards, credit lines or anything else I need because “I don’t make enough”.

That’s okay I tell myself, I’ll just work harder and get what I need myself. So I put in longer days and work through weekends and holidays trying to make enough money to get the things I need.

When I’m not working, I’m stressed. How am I going to pay my bills? I’m sure I’ll never work again, convinced I’ve alienated someone. Or maybe people realize I’m not that talented. So I hustle and work harder to find work.

I’ve been accused of being a workaholic. I’m not. I do this by necessity.

One of the first questions I’m always asked is, “What are you working on?” In this society we are considered failures if we aren’t constantly working.

This is part of the brainwashing. We don’t need to just work hard all the time, we’re expected to lift up the economy by buying things that we don’t necessarily need and making others richer.

Who came up with this shit? Why has it become more important to work as much as possible and forget about enjoying life?

Everyday in addition to paying work (editing and sound design) that I still do for others, I write and work on my own films. I constantly remind myself that I don’t have to, and shouldn’t, work 50-60 hours a week anymore.

Over the years my health has suffered because of my work schedule. It shouldn’t be that way.

I have many friends who went the corporate route and are on salary. They aren’t paid overtime, but they’re expected to work as many hours as it takes.

With cell phones employers/clients can get hold of us any time, day or night. If you don’t answer middle of the night texts you’re reprimanded. For years I’ve turned my phone off after 6 pm and I get shit about it from friends and clients. Although now they’re used to it.

People don’t take vacations or sick days because they’re afraid if they’re gone they could be replaced.

Everyone looks forward to retirement and we’re encouraged to put away money to support ourselves in retirement. No matter how much we save, we’re told it’s not enough. We need to work longer.

Often, when we hit a certain age we’re laid off. Why? Even though we’re very good at what we do (which doesn’t matter), we’re more expensive then hiring someone younger.

So now we’re in our fifties and unemployed. And no one wants to hire us because we’re experienced. No that’s not right. They don’t want to hire us because we expect more money than someone starting out.

Working for myself and paying taxes all these years left me with a minimal Social Security package. It’s not much but I’m happy to get it. It helps, a lot. And I’m glad I took it at 62. At the time who knew if I would even live to 65 or 67 or whatever it is now to get the full pay out?

And we keep hearing from some politicians that the retirement age needs to be raised before we can start collecting our Social Security, or our pensions. Or they want to cut it entirely like it’s a handout.

Bull shit!

Social Security is not a government hand out, it’s our money! We have spent decades paying into it! Keep your fucking hands off of OUR MONEY!

In Europe they work to live, to enjoy life. In this country we’ve been brainwashed to live to work. We work until our bodies and minds wear out. Then we’re told to enjoy our retirement, and by the way your health benefits are being cut.

We need to lower the retirement age and reduce the 40 hour work week. We need to increase paid time off so we can do other things. Studies have shown that a reduced work week doesn’t mean productivity falls off. Often productivity has increased with a shorter work week.

Sometimes I feel guilty not putting in long days. I tell myself, “Go out and take a walk with the dog. Enjoy the sunshine.” I can’t! I have to sit here and get more work done. Life keeps moving forward, passing us by.

At 67 years old I’m doing okay. I spend time fixing up the house, working in the yard, walking the dog, a little traveling, and hanging out with my granddaughter. I am around family and friends. And I still get work done.

I don’t feel guilty not working constantly anymore.

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