34 Years of “You’ll Change”
It was roughly 34 years ago today that I released my second short film, You’ll Change.
Oddly enough it also is my daughter’s birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAY FIONA!
How does that work?
In 1991/92 when Karen was pregnant, so many people were delighting in telling me how the upcoming birth of my first child was going to change me.
For the record, I was 35 years old and to be honest, I was pretty non-committal about having kids at all. Now some of that might have to do with all of the “advice” I was getting from others about how I needed to have kids and how it was going to change me.
I got so tired of being asked about names and if we knew if it was a boy or a girl. I claimed we had no idea, which was not true. We didn’t want to know. We wanted to be surprised if possible. It turned out we found out accidently. Deciding not to reveal that we knew was I think, a positive thing.
Once you tell people the gender everyone has an opinon, especially about names. At a certain age when people would suggest names all I could think about was, “No! That was the name of that weird kid in 3rd grade. Or, that was the name of a neighbor who was a bully. Or, that’s a serial killer name.”
On the other side of that coin, if you have a name that you love, there will always be someone who knew a weird kid, remembered a bully, or a serial killer with that name. And of course they have to tell you. You can’t win.
And this was before social media where everyone has an opinion, and yours is always wrong! Fuck that! If someone shares a name for their kid that they really love, don’t say a fucking negative thing! It’s not your place.
My solution was to come up with a couple of weird names and stick to those. “If it’s a boy we’re thinking about either Boris, or Rudi (Baker). If it’s a girl, it has to be Madame Curie.” I stuck to those names for months, until people finally stopped asking. And they did.
I went out and shot You’ll Change, in a single day. It featured a bunch of my friends giving their “opinions”. Some were real, others were scripted. Yes, I really did script this film.
This is one of my most successful films of all time. It has been in film festivals all over the country, and on PBS stations as well as Canadian and Austrailian television. A lot of work came my way because of this film.
You can watch You’ll Change here - https://youtu.be/747Yw40oZGg It’s only 3 minutes long.
Now, did I change? Of coure, but not in the way any of these people said.
I tear up and get emtional a lot more often and I no longer hide it. My emotions are all a lot closer to the surface. I think about their future and even though my daughter is 34 years old I still look at her as my kid.
My life is so much richer because of my daughter, and I worry a lot more because I want things to be better for her. I watch her with her own daughter and see what a greeat Mom she is. She also runs her own business (fionakayknits.com). She is compassionate, a great friend, is welcoming to others, and continues to inspire. He is also totally irreverent and funny as hell!
I really hit the jackpot when it comes to kids.
I don’t want either my daughter or my granddaughter to go through a lot of the things I did. Like my own parents I want them to do better then I did. I want both of them to have great lives and to live their dreams.
Yes, I was reluctant when it came to fatherhood, but now I can’t imagine my life without my daughter in it. I am proud of my daughter, and now my granddaughter.
Happy Birthday Fiona! I am a very lucky Dad. I hope your day, and your entire life is wonderful.
And next month Luna turns six and I am a very lucky Grandpa.
Don’t forget to give You’ll Change, a watch. Like I said, it’s only 3 mintues for God’s sake!
Thank you all for reading, subscribing, and supporting me and my writing.
Here is a clip of me reading Incident At Arrah Wanna, about the time I got busted for drugs when I was fourteen, at church camp. Yeah, I have never been a role model...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLEjFvSeh_A
Don’t let the bastards get to you!
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